if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
