This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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