We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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