found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
