I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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