And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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