just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
