We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
last night I used snow as a chaser
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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