I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
