Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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