My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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