She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
