What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
