i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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