drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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