he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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