when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
