in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
