So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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