You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
