my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
