Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
