I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
