Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
