i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
