I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
