so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
