Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just threw up on my dentist
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
