You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
