You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
