chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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