so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was confusing and full of hummus
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
