Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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