omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
