3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
