chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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