i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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