then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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