Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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