Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
