There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
