I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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