don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i need some magic done to my vagina
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
