you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
