lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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