there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
