and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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