I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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