girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
