So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
